Friday, August 7, 2009
Friday Afternoon Post
The Friday Afternoon Post this week will be dedicated to John Hughes, who passed away this week. While he is being most memorialized for the, yes, classic films he made in the 80's like The Breakfast Club and Ferris Bueller's Day Off, I'd like to honor the film of his that most touched my life. That film is, of course, Home Alone.
This movie is completely wonderful. It has honestly played a significant role in my life. My entire family - aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins - watches it together EVERY Thanksgiving after dinner. Not to mention the number of times I watch it in the entire holiday season, it's pretty amazing the tape still works (yeah that's right, it's on VHS. Old school is what you call it.) It has formed the basis for a significant part of more than one friendship, most notably myself and Ali (among other things, like the Beastie Boys and Gilmore Girls and Chinese food and Black Cherry soda.)
I think I could pretty easily quote the whole film in its entirity without the aid of the film itself if pressed. So anyhow, my tribute to John will be the following selection of memorable quotes from my favorite Hughes film.
"Is this toothbrush approved by the American Dental Association?"
"Well, I don't know. It doesn't say, hon. "
"Well, could you please find out?"
"This house is so full of people it makes me sick. When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone. Ya hear me? I'm living alone! I'm living alone!"
"I took a shower washing every body part with actual soap; including all my major crevices; including in between my toes and in my belly button which I never did before but sort of enjoyed. I washed my hair with adult formula shampoo and used cream rinse for that just-washed shine. I can't seem to find my toothbrush, so I'll pick one up when I go out today. Other than that, I'm in good shape. "
"Hi, I'm Mitch Murphy. I live across the street. You guys going out of town? We're going to Orlando, Florida. Well, actually, first we're going to Missouri to pick up my grandma. Did you know the McCallisters are going to France? Do you know if it's cold there? Do these vans get good gas mileage?"
"Gee, kid, I don't know. Hit the road. "
"Where did he go?"
"Maybe he committed suicide. "
"I'm over here you big horse's ass, come and get me before I call the police. "
"He's gonna call the cops!"
"From a tree house?! Come on!"
"I don't want to sleep with Fuller. You know about him, he wets the bed. He'll pee all over me, I know it. "
"Ma'am, I'm eight years old. Do you really think I'd be here, alone? I don't think so. "
"Well where's your mom? "
"She's in the car."
"Where's your dad?"
"He's at work."
"What about your brothers and sisters?"
"I'm an only child."
"Well, where do you live?"
"I can't tell you that."
"Cause you're a stranger."
"You're not at all worried that something might happen to Kevin? "
"No, for three reasons: A, I'm not that lucky. Two, we use smoke detectors and D, we live on the most boring street in the United States of America, where nothing even remotely dangerous will ever happen. Period. "
"Say good night, Kevin. "
"Good night, Kevin."
"Kevin, if Uncle Frank says no then it must be really bad."
"Are your parents home?"
"Do they live here? "
"No. Why should they? All kids. No parents. Probably a fancy orphanage."
"That's the one, Marv, that's the silver tuna. "
"Guys, I'm eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop me! "
"We'll go thru the back. Maybe the kid will let us in, you never know. "
"Yeah. He's a kid. Kids are stupid. "
"I wish my grandparents did that. They always send me clothes. Last year I got a sweater with a big bird knitted on it. "
"That's nice. "
"Not for a guy in the second grade. You can get beat up for wearing something like that. I had a friend who got nailed once because there was a rumor he wore dinosaur pajamas. "
"He walks up and down the streets every night, salting the sidewalks. "
"Maybe he's just trying to be nice. "
"No way. See that garbage can full of salt? That's where he keeps his victims. The salt turns the bodies... into mummies. "
"Everybody in this family hates me! "
"Then maybe you should ask Santa for a new family."
"I don't want another family. I don't want any family. Families suck!"
"Just stay up there. I don't want to see you again for the rest of the night. "
"I don't want to see you again for the rest of my whole life. "
"Why the hell did you take your shoes off?"
"Why the hell are you dressed like a chicken? "
"Hey, I'm not afraid any more! I said I'm not afraid any more! Do you hear me? I'm not afraid any more!"
"We'll come back tonight, about nine o'clock, that way it's dark, see?"
"Yeah! Kids are scared of the dark!"
"You're afraid of the dark too, Marv, and you know it. "
"I am not!"
"There are 15 people in this house, you're the only one who has to make trouble. "
"I'm the only one getting dumped on. "
"You're the only one acting up. Now get upstairs. "
"I am upstairs, dummy. "